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Lady Boys, Tiaras, and the Wolfpack :)

Lady Boys, Tiaras, and the Wolfpack :)

Its finally here, the first of the four-day event, the Hen’s and Buck’s Party. Our hair and makeup trials were booked for the afternoon so we could enjoy the pampering and go totally glam; not all of us choose tackiness for a Hen’s night.   Initially, we had come prepared with every beauty back up plan possible if we didn’t like their style, cultural differences, as one would need to consider. However, I was pleasantly surprised, they even had special books to choose from for the different hairstyles; filled with a nice variety and very westernised. Better prepared than what you would get back at home. We decided that for me, we would see how my hair would deal with the humidity and see if straight curls would be a nice change. Of course Donnah and I both chose a particular picture of Lauren Conrad; she always has perfectly coiffed hair. As for the makeup, they worked with brands such as Chanel, Bobbi Brown, Revlon, and Clinique…. yes please!! Oh, and the colours that we have been hunting down for months. You have no idea how many variations there are of bronze pigments! It’s exhausting, and gets very technical in finding the right amount of shimmer versus matt.  It didn’t go unnoticed how proficient they worked their brushes and it didn’t take 3 hours to apply. I was impressed. I don’t understand how at home it takes sooo freaking long to apply makeup. Discussing this with Laura, she didn’t need to hesitate in quickly coming to the conclusion that they are wannabe makeup artists. Lol. Couldn’t have said it better myself.  

For Donnah and I, our level of makeup thickness preferences differ, every time she said more, I said, “OMG, no less!”, “We aren’t making a plaster mould of my face over here!” End result = got my rare approval after seeing the photos, but some easy tweaking for the wedding day was needed. It was actually quite amusing, sitting there in the midst of what felt like an old school beauty parlour. All I needed was a polka dot dress and I’m on the set of Mad Men feeling like Betty Draper.  

The lady who did my makeup started to interrogate my relationship status, in actual fact not really surprised by this, but hoping she would get bored and change the subject, she sighs, “But you so sexy, like Hollywood.” She then decides that in one year I must come back and get married. Oh, and that she would be waiting to do my makeup again. Do they kiss magic frogs in Thailand??? I might need to purchase one ;p There’s not many specific type of Arabs in my neck of the woods, nor ones that I can fly off into the Arabian desert with on a magic carpet. Evidently, I have my life mapped out like a Disney movie :) Might have to throw in a glass slipper for good measure ;p 

Unfortunately just from walking back to my room to get changed, my hair went frizzy. I tried to re-curl it with the tongs and smooth it out again, but just had to accept a halo of frizz. With Donnah, we had already settled on the hair look from the Christian Dior ‘Miss Dior Cherie’ print ad, featuring Natalie Portman, when we were styling the whole look of her wedding; so she was easy. For the makeup she only knows the words thick and bronze. The thickness is always mentioned with a smirk and a chain reaction of eye rolling from my direction. 

In addition to her look, the only way to accessorise that I deemed fit for a princess, would be making her a couture veil that featured a silk bow, four shorter graded layers of bridal tulle, turkey feathers, and Swarovski crystals (veil will be available as made-to-order on www.etsy.com/shop/noskam soon).  This was all tied in with a white strapless Kookai bubble hem dress, and a thick silver Kookai belt worn around the waist. Feet were accessorised with embellished Witchery ballet flats, and a Louis Vuitton monogram clutch topped off the whole outfit. I styled a strapless Sretsis ice blue bubble hem dress with nude Witchery sandals, Tiffany & CO jewellery, and a mini tiara. I was so excited to get approval for a tiara ;p, Donnah rolled her eyes at the big ones I was trying on to test her reaction. Lol.  She also made a passing comment that I would be the Pippa Middleton of her wedding; jokingly I reminded her, “well I do have booty after all.” wink.  Heels weren’t really needed, besides I sacrificed them for my runners ;p

My usually over punctual self was on it’s own vacation and my dial was set to Thailand time. It apparently made us late everywhere; I beg to differ as I was told there was no rush :) First up for the girls’ itinerary were drinks at the hotel beach bar and then onto the Simon Cabaret in Patong (a cultural experience is a must in Thailand and with that means…cough…cough Lady Boys…wink ;p). The cabaret was awesome, costing about 26 bucks and totally a must see if you go! The whole time Laura and I were scrutinising if they were genuinely all Lady Boys; on stage you couldn’t tell, but outside and up close, even with all the hormone treatments that Thailand has to offer, you could figure it out. They are so beautiful though, well, except for the thigh implants we spotted. Totally gross! The funny thing was the actual untouched guys, dressed as guys, they were the most entertaining; the ones with the enthusiastic spirit fingers especially. But, a typical overweight drag queen, free from implants, was the one that got the most attention. More amusingly so, even though our mum had been told they were all of the male persuasion, she watched the entire thing thinking they were genuinely female.  The Lonely Planet guide was correct in saying that even the staunchest hetero would enjoy the show. They might need some lip-synching tips from Britney Spears or Manilla Vanilla, but the sets and costumes were amazing!!

After the show we had dinner at 3 Spices; as we arrived a quick pit stop opposite the restaurant to a tailor was needed, quick thinking on my Auntie’s part to save time. That afternoon it came to my attention that even though I never forget these kind of things, due to being efficiently super anal about details, the black bow headband I had made for Donnah to wear on her wedding day, matching exactly to the Miss Dior Cherie ad was still in Australia, surprisingly I wasn’t as fussed as I normally would be. So far, it seemed like every weird thing that had been happening, turned out for the better. A quick purchase of some black silk was made, to remake a bow that I could improvise by just pinning it in the right spot. Dinner was tasty and one thing I love about Thai food is that it’s delectable without filling you with unhealthy regret. Oh, and they have no problems with a split bill, let me tell you! Request that to an Aussie waiter and they snarl at you in disgust for even suggesting such an absurd idea. Brownie points to the Asians ;p 

The oldies called it a night, venturing off back in a Tuk Tuk; it was time to hit up the strip for some Bangalar Road action (more ahem…culture…wink ;p) The boys were also enjoying the festivities in the area too. They had planned to see a Mai Thai fight, but it didn’t end up being a viable option. Surprisingly for a small area we didn’t bang into them until towards the end.  Not wanting to corrupt our barely 18-year-old cousin, turns out has the same mind frame, a family trait that I can only grin with pride. We went to a few bars and then came across The Factory, a club where we could all live out our nightclub days of RnB music, like a home away from home.  I must say, I was enjoying the fact that they don’t check ID anywhere, it can get annoying when they always question your age; even when accompanied by a parent. According to one security guard back home, I have the gift of the Asian culture and have a baby face. 

There’s girls supposed to be pole dancing at all the bars, but I swear there’s more action happening at regular club on a Saturday night. Even at their actual strip clubs, places where stripping isn’t even happening. Boring!!! There was one Caucasian, and no mum it wasn’t me, from one of those Czech countries I presume, certainly showed the Asians how to do it; show stopping tricks and all class. It got a little awkward when, a waitress, note, an actual female, kept grabbing my ass followed by very vocal comments about how much she enjoyed it; and then followed up with a repeat ass grab/slap interchanging.  One of my sister’s friends suggested that its equal opportunity here. Lol. Taking one for the team, I guess. Good thing I’m not a prude, needless to say its not the first time a chic’s made advances on me; still haven’t determined whether that’s a good thing or not. haha

I can’t go without saying, my absolute disgust at the state of their bathrooms, you leave feeling like you need a industrial strength disinfectant bath, let alone the fact you have to part with good money to use them. McDonald’s, you are by far the worst, too!!!  As the night progressed, and many more Asians shoving pamphlets of ping-pong shows in front of you, it occurred to me that I would like some more culture hehe. You can’t come here without getting the full Thailand experience :) Presenting this awesome idea to Donnah, it was decided that those who didn’t want to explore their curiosities didn’t have to, and those who stayed out the longest and did want to, would get the chance. In addition, along the strip Laura and I came across some wristbands being sold, highly controversial ones to be exact. Among them were ‘wolfpack’ ones, ones that we purchased for our wolfpack that stayed out the longest :)  

We bumped into the Buck’s party with Maiko in some interesting ensemble of cut-off jeans, a little long in comparison to the ones worn by so many adolescent girls, and not so adolescent…eeek, back home, I should also add that every time I go to the shops and see girls wearing them, I feel like I’m in the middle of a bad porno, and scaring imagery has been burnt into my eyes. I brought up the ping-pong show idea to the best man, Simon. He then tells me, “forget ping-pong,” “think live animals.” Very intrigued by this, I prodded for more information but leading to no avail, he kept tight lipped and just smirked. Speaking of Simon and the buck’s party…. Someone who wasn’t anywhere to be seen gracing us with his presence was our little bro, Robert; someone who we all expected not to be missing out on any action, especially with his… ahhmmm socialising habits ;p. His first words after finding out about the engagement was how sparkly and nice her ring was, second words… BUCKS PARTAY!!! Laura, Donnah and I inquired with Simon, but got a suspicious reply that was about him still being at a bar playing connect four?? Now our little bro gets intense about games, we were raised on board games after all, though, he still can’t beat me in Monopoly; I sit here smugly reminiscing :) anyways, it was believable, its what they do in bars here. But, after a while we started getting suspicious, not wanting to harass them, Simon wasn’t convincing us… where the hell was our brother??? And then he finally confesses he doesn’t have any idea! WTH?! We were actually really worried, if you knew him and his antics, you would be too :). Also hoping he didn’t get naked in this country, too, having flash backs about a time in Italy and scandalous photos hitting my inbox…

After another wretched experience with the bathrooms, Laura messaged him. We got weird ass replies about not judging him and his gambling… followed by a cab ride that ended up miles in the wrong direction, after handing over a thousand Baht, and then having to beg to be taken back with no money?    WTF??!!! At least he was alive and we would get the full details in the morning, no doubt. Following many friendly waitresses giving us free drinks, a surprise of Donnah getting up on the pole, and a surprise of self restraint ;p, we made it to our ping-pong show—The following events are censored for those with precious eyes—as  much as I would ordinarily describe in great detail, play by play :).  We actually didn’t get a whole show but a shorter one and just for us. Lets just say, it involved a whistle, darts, balloons, ping-pong balls, and baby turtles; it was just the right amount in length, and not seedy, which was good.  

Yawning away, it was finally time to get some beauty sleep, the last of us remaining was exactly who I thought it would be too. Getting in our first Tuk Tuk of the trip, it was nice whizzing through the streets that had finally mellowed out and the sunrise peeking out on the horizon; I surely love this balmy air and the feeling of fresh saltiness as it brushes up against your skin, blowing off the beach. Didn’t think the boys were done, but, bumping into an equally tired friend of Maiko’s, he seemed to think at 4:30am we had enough energy that looked like we were just getting started hahaha. 

Nighty night :)

xo Noskam

Rehearsal Dinner - Boathouse Wine and Grill

Rehearsal Dinner - Boathouse Wine and Grill

Katathani Beach Resort

Katathani Beach Resort